Well, the deadline for the fall show is getting near. I'm glad to say that I'm not going out of my mind - well, maybe I got there through doing this for so many years now ! - but I'm not feeling too bad.
I'm glad that all the simmering and obstructing and worrying and trying has started to pay off in some really interesting resolutions for the new work. I can't believe how much I've attempted and discarded. I think I've thrown out more 'starts' and starting material than almost any other show. One inconclusive start after another.
Still, nothing need be in vain. It's been an interesting process, as I've had about three or four changes in what I thought the organizational theme of the show would be. Each time, after a period of initial work on various pieces that related to it, some other pieces would start to change more interestingly, and lead off in a new direction that ended up being different from the initial group.
So - what's been interesting is trying to give up aiming at an overall theme, and instead concentrate on lettting the show author itself at this point. This mostly involves letting myself enjoy what I'm doing and letting it speak back to me about what it needs to make itself more beautiful. That's pretty enjoyable. It's also that magical time when it is possible to do so due to all the base material I've been working up.
So - things are going well. That's wonderful.
I also took a commission a while back, which is a rare thing for me. I have an instinctual reaction to any interference with what I choose to do - namely, to break necks. Taking direction on subject matter is usually an absolute no-no with me.
This commission was so...unique in it's subject matter that I thought I could take it. Because, to put it mildly, it wasn't exactly nicety-nice family material.
Getting down to doing it was like trying to pull my own teeth. Still, it all came out in the wash. Or came out swimmingly. At any rate, my heels are sore from digging them in so deep, but I'm pleased with the result. The painting, of course, which came out well, but also a new pleasure in the freedom that has come out of fighting for the space in which I can be at ease.